QUOTE, UNQUOTE

Just for the record, I have never laughed till I cried.  And I would never call a movie released during the first week of May the best film of the summer. Perhaps this is why I’m not quoted more often in movie ads. 

I’ve never minded being cited, so long as the quotes are accurate.  After all, if I like a film, why wouldn’t I want to encourage people to go out and see it?

There are other critics and entertainment reporters, however, who want to be quoted—they really, REALLY want to be quoted—so they invent ridiculous phrases just to get into those newspaper ads and TV commercials.  This used to bother me, but I’ve come to realize that the whole process is a joke.

The studios aren’t really looking for the best quote, or the best critic:  they’re looking for the quote they already have in mind when they mock up their advertising campaign...and they don’t care who said it.

Why else would banner-headline quotes in ads for major movies come from sources neither you nor I have ever heard of?  I have no beef with the movie reviewer for, say, The East Mudflap Gazette, but why would I care what that person had to say?  This doesn’t seem to bother the advertising honchos.  They give the same weight to that guy that they do to Roger Ebert...and that means that they think the public feels the same way.  This does not show much regard for critics or their audience.  (I also love the TV spots that proclaim, “The critics are cheering...” and then use two or three quotes from the same reviewer!  But I guess “The critic is cheering...” doesn’t have the same ring to it.) 

Not long ago, a studio asked if I had a quote for a major movie of theirs, and I gave them

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what I thought was a pretty strong endorsement.  They called back a few days later and asked if they could drop the opening adjective.  I said no, because it was an intrinsic part of what I had to say about the film.  They made the change anyway, adding an ellipsis to cover the omission.

Wouldn’t you know this same studio called again, just a few weeks ago, wanting to change around the wording of another quote?  This time, I didn’t let them finish the question.

That’s nothing compared to what happens during the Oscar campaign.  I had calls from several film companies asking for freshly-minted quotes to help fuel their advertising.  They went

The new James Dean? It's been twenty years and we're still waiting...

so far as to tell me the line they were looking for, then asking if I would mind having it attributed to me! 

Please understand, I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.  I know this is a business, and that all of this is part of the game.  But I’d still like to think I have some credibility, and I know that it could go right down the drain if I’m not honest in what I say. (I’m sure many of my colleagues feel the same way.) The studios are more than willing to exploit that credibility and destroy it at the same time.

But as I say, it’s become a joke.  One studio head confessed to me that he thought quote-driven ads had outlived their effectiveness, but it seems no one is willing to be the first to promote a movie without the endorsement of critics—even critics who have no recognition whatsoever.

Actually, I don’t have much to complain about.  In all the years I’ve been plying my trade I’ve only been misquoted once or twice.  Back in the early 80s, when I was just starting out at Entertainment Tonight, I reviewed the movie Eddie and the Cruisers, and said that I’d have to see more of Michael Paré before I’d buy the hype that he was the new James Dean.  Wouldn’t you know the opening day newspaper ad quoted me as saying “...the new James Dean.”